Kiss My...

The winding back roads between Lexington and Cincinnati allow for both John and I some great thinking time. Periodically one of us will comment on what's going through our minds as we cruise and take in our surroundings...or like tonight, figure out how to get the fog off the windshield. John will express thoughts and plans about paying off our student debt. I muse about healthier ways to eat and live. 

Tonight as we are cruising along Hwy. 27 a voice spoke very deep within my soul. The words were soft and finite, they were spoken with a loving authority. There are many stories in scripture of barren women blessed with the joy of motherhood. The story of Hannah is one that resonates with me. A woman who is taunted and made to feel less of a woman because of her barrenness. A woman who most likely took her turn in rearing and caring for her husband's other children as her own arms and her own womb remained empty. 

The Lord heard her cries. In the depth of her soul, the Lord heard. Hannah left the temple that day knowing her cries fell upon the Lord. Hannah must have left the temple that day within the peace of God, with her soul washed and refreshed in the presence, understanding, and peace of God.

Each cycle, this journey gets more uphill, the air becomes thinner as the voice of the enemy begins to speak that this will never come to fruition... As I become weary and tensions rise, do to what I see as failure; it becomes harder to breathe, harder to find and cling to that promise. Each cycle during these beginning stages of fertility treatments brings emotional, physical, and hormonal suffering. My body riots and rebels against the artificial hormones being forced into my system. I get nauseatingly sick with headaches, joint pains, muscle pains, and I am forced through emotional turmoil. Through all of this, month after month it is so easy to just give in and give up. To listen to that voice getting louder and louder. I am thankful for a husband who, through it all puts a smile on my face, who loves me more and stronger because of it all. I am thankful for family and friends who remind me that the enemy can kiss my ass, because God has spoken over me his promises and I am washed in His understanding.

"Rebecca, turn to me: it WILL happen..."

Simple words spoken into a Hannah heart, a heart needing a promise and a peace to lean on.

Blessings & Joy